Saturday was Margarete's wedding. This was the event that brought us to Canada. Hannah and Margarete have been best friends for sometime. I hurt just a little for Hannah as I know a little too much about the lonliness she will feel as this friendship changes and as more and more of her friends are married. When Hannah lay in the ICU right after her accident Margarette came to see her and told her that she was getting married, she told Hannah that she needed her there and that she wanted her to be the one to do up her dress for the wedding. It brought tears to my eyes to watch that moment that we all wondered if she would live to see actually happen.
Im ashamed to say that I feel worn out and exhausted with trying to be happy, with trying to see the good things in life, and with trying to enjoy each moment. As I sat listening to conference all by myself and making bows for decorations at the wedding I just felt lonely and sad and that I didnt really belong anywhere. I didnt feel the spirit, I didnt feel that renewed energy that I was so hoping for with conference. All I felt was sadness that as I helped get ready for Margarete's special day I wonder if mine will ever come, and I have wondered that for so long that it begins sometimes to feel hopeless. Sometimes I dont know how long I can keep going and yet I dont see any other alternative. The Lord Keeps his promises to us...I know he does. I just really need to see some of those promises fulfilled for me sooner rather than later. Or at least find some way to feel somethng of peace in the meantime.
Sunday was a long day spent in the car. We drove straight through and arrived back home at about 10 PM. My legs were aching, my heart was aching, I had a bad case of TB and was ever so glad to get home. I fell asleep with a little glimmer of hope on the horizon.
The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. despair drains from us all that is vibran and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul. and deadens the heart. despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.
Hope on the other hand is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brillian dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world or relativism. confusion and of fear."
I refuse to let despair take hold of my life. There is hope, there will always be hope, for me as well as for everyone!
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