The other night I went to the temple. I wanted to finish training so that I will be ready on my next shift to actually do some work. I cant even discribe the feeling that I experience there. So much more than Happiness, so much better then contentment its more powerful than peace and more inspiring than a new beginning. I dont know I just feel so fresh as though life truly starts over. After the session I stayed and just enjoyed the beauty of the place for awhile and as I began to pray about some of the things that were weighing heavy on my mind that day I just felt like I so didnt need to worry, in that moment I knew that it really was all going to be just fine. In spite of how I felt tuesday night at the temple Wednesday (day 15) hit hard and in typical mid week fashion. The day seemed long and I felt so tired of trying to keep a smile on my face, tired of trying to be diligent and hopeful and happy. I wanted to give in again and just sit down and cry. Or something. Instead I went out for Ice Cream with a friend. It was welcome relief from the day and our talk encouraged me in my efforts. Its always nice to know that we are not alone in the trials that we face.
Later that night I recieved a message that touched my heart, renewed my hope and left me smiling without even trying when I went to bed. It was a simple reminder of heavenly fathers love for me and of the power of the atonement. The words were encourageing but knowing that someone cared enough to send them meant even more. Instead of a quote today I want to share something that I found in my notes. On this particular day I had just had a talk with someone that I really looked up to and some of the things that he said really stuck with me and actually made a huge difference in my life. This is what I wrote in reference to what I learned from him.
"Surrendering my will also means surrendering my beliefs, my hurts, my patterns and limiting behaviors. Taking His name upon me means realizing this and burying those old ways and patterns in the tomb of my baptism. and accepting that the work that Christ is doing for me on the cross is enough, and that he doesnt need my help up there."
There is alot of power and alot of truth in those words. And they parallel somewhat the message that was sent to me last night. Since Christ already suffered in my behalf for me to refuse to fully accept the work that he did for both my sins and my pain and lonliness and to allow myself access to the healing power that he provides is more than silly, its offensive to the one who suffered all this for me so that I wouldnt have to carry this burden alone. I look forward to the upcoming weeks and to finishing my 30 day challenge going strong. I love the Lord so much and am just in awe of the strength that he provides just when I think I can go no further.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Day 14
I've decided tears aren't so bad. Yesterday as I was driving home from work I was listening to Elder D Todd Christopherson's talk from last conference. His talk "As many as I love I rebuke and chasten" touched me in a way that few things have. As I listened I was reminded of a day years ago when feeling my life lacked purpose and direction I pleaded with the Lord to show me a way to give all that I have and am to him. Today as I struggle to place my faith and trust in him, and to be willing to patiently face the trials that he has put before me I realized that he is just doing what I asked and what is best for me. He is giving me those experiences that will shape me into the kind of person who will be comfortable and at home in his presence. I recently have started working in the Provo temple. There is nothing quite like the feeling that takes place as you walk into that building and from the first whispered greeting a feeling of peace starts to settle in around you, then as you change into your temple clothes that feeling is increased until nothing else in the world matters and contentment, happiness and a desire to do good permeates my entire being. This happens every time. This weekend was difficult for me. I was lonely and tired of being sad. I was tired of trying and of doing and I wanted to sit and feel sorry for myself. In my rebellion I refused to attend women's conference thinking I had had enough of trying to be good. I sat at home watching a sappy and poorly made romantic comedy and feeling sorry for myself, Sunday things went from bad to worse until I found myself in a position where I felt I had shamed myself and offended the Lord. I felt alone and lost, guilty and hopeless. I decided to walk to ward prayer that night to give myself a chance to think. As I did I remembered the feelings that I have in the temple and realized that I want to feel that way. At the moment I had removed myself from the Lords presence and it felt horrible. I was willing at that moment to do whatever it took to fix things.
So back to Elder christopherson's talk. I realized as I listened that if the Lord sees that a little suffering here will remove from me the sinful, proud, and impatience tendencies that will keep me from feeling comfortable and at home in the saviours company than it truly is a small price to pay. Even if all that I face in this life is loneliness and hardship it would still be a small price to pay. The Lord has always proven his way is better than mine. And I have slowly and painfully learned to give my will over to him. But I still find myself fighting to hang on to it.
Today I went home to my parents house to sort through some old boxes that have been in storage there. As I went through my old things that I haven't seen since before I joined the church a heavy feeling of sadness swept through me. I looked through old journals, pictures of years gone by, letters and keepsakes that were so steeped in memories that they brought tears to my eyes. As I drove back to Provo the sounds and words of conference filling the car brought welcome relief. And I realized I think more than I ever really understood that the only thing that can really bring true joy in my life is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Without that I am nothing. I am lost and hopeless. I am guilty and worthless. But because of our ability to repent and access the atonement it all makes sense again. Because we can go to the temple, to scriptures, to conference we can receive strength to face the challenges that we will face in order to sanctify us for his presence. My heart swelled with joy and tears filled my eyes as I drove, as I listened to Elder Holland testify of the preparation and care that goes into each conference talk, as I listened to his voice choked with emotion promise me that if I will listen with the spirit I will hear a message prepared specifically, carefully and personally for me in the upcoming conference. What more could I ask for?
"Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yeah, he trieth their patience and their faith. Nevertheless whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day."
So back to Elder christopherson's talk. I realized as I listened that if the Lord sees that a little suffering here will remove from me the sinful, proud, and impatience tendencies that will keep me from feeling comfortable and at home in the saviours company than it truly is a small price to pay. Even if all that I face in this life is loneliness and hardship it would still be a small price to pay. The Lord has always proven his way is better than mine. And I have slowly and painfully learned to give my will over to him. But I still find myself fighting to hang on to it.
Today I went home to my parents house to sort through some old boxes that have been in storage there. As I went through my old things that I haven't seen since before I joined the church a heavy feeling of sadness swept through me. I looked through old journals, pictures of years gone by, letters and keepsakes that were so steeped in memories that they brought tears to my eyes. As I drove back to Provo the sounds and words of conference filling the car brought welcome relief. And I realized I think more than I ever really understood that the only thing that can really bring true joy in my life is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Without that I am nothing. I am lost and hopeless. I am guilty and worthless. But because of our ability to repent and access the atonement it all makes sense again. Because we can go to the temple, to scriptures, to conference we can receive strength to face the challenges that we will face in order to sanctify us for his presence. My heart swelled with joy and tears filled my eyes as I drove, as I listened to Elder Holland testify of the preparation and care that goes into each conference talk, as I listened to his voice choked with emotion promise me that if I will listen with the spirit I will hear a message prepared specifically, carefully and personally for me in the upcoming conference. What more could I ask for?
"Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yeah, he trieth their patience and their faith. Nevertheless whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day."
Monday, September 26, 2011
Day 12 and 13
Saturday, I spent a good portion of the day at my parents house. My little neice was there and I got to play with her. Such a little girl with an enormous personality. She was laying on the bed as I was playing with her and she was trying so hard not to smile. Babies are one of the few things in life that can bring happiness and joy no matter how bad my day is, and Shaylie was the highlight of this day!
I did some homework and watched a movie with some friends later that night.
Sunday I took a leisurely stroll in the park with my roommate and her family that is visiting. Church was wonderful but for some reason today was another one of those days where I just get to feel the pain and lonliness. Several friends noticed that I was having a hard time and I guess thats what I am the most thankful for. Good friends who watch out for each other and are there during our good times and our bad times. One of my friends texted me later that night and said, Project Happiness isnt so happy right now?" I guess Happiness wouldnt mean much if we didnt have the comparison. Thats actually one of the things that I am grateful for is that I have the opportunity to learn an appreciation now that I didnt have before and wouldnt have without the experiences I am having now. I had an all too brief but encouraging phone call from the one person I wanted most to talk to just before I went to bed.
"Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the Victory itself."
Day 11
Today, we took Hannah back to the site where he accident happened. We stood there looking up at the tower that she fell from, all of us feeling a bit sober. No one has been up there since she fell. A few of the guys welded a railing around it so that you can no longer jump and my aunt painted a sign that hangs on it that says "Johannah's Look Out July 2, 2011 Proves there are angels among us.
We met with a couple of the guys who saved her life and heard their version of the experience. We heard how nearly we came to losing her in the ER and we learned about the heroic efforts of a doctor who wouldnt give up on her.
We had a fantastic lunch and then we made the long drive back home. As we drove I couldnt help but remember the last time I had made that trip. My life had changed on that drive, I gained a clearer perspective of our role in life, who we are and why we are here. I remember feeling so lost and alone and wondering how I was going to get through that. Now looking back Hannah was spared and she is here and well, Ryan on the other hand is not. And thats something that I still struggle to let go of. I want a happy ending with that one too. I want the weight that sits on my chest making me feel like I cant continue to breath to go away. I want that heavy gray rock out of my stomach and I want to sleep through the night again without waking and realizing once again that he is not here and I will indeed have to get through quite a number of days without him. But the reality is that its not what I want that matters. What matters is how I face each day, and that I put my trust in a Heavenly Father who loves me. I often question how much he cares about this. On one hand the person I spent forever with is kind of a big deal. And I know that he knows what my future holds so he should also know who is going to be good for me and who is not. On the other hand, I know that I have a choice, we have a choice in who we marry. Its not a matter of right and wrong, its not a matter of good or bad. And we have been told and I believe that any two people striving to serve god and become better people can make a marriage work. Somehow, someway I will trust a father who knows me and loves me, who has made numerous promises to me, and who has brought me so much peace already. He knows my desires and he will bring into my life what is best for me.
"We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us, and make us kinder. We always have the choice."
Day 9 and 10
I did something on wednesday that I have been praying, thinking, stewing and fretting about for some time. I quit my job. ITs a scary move to make. Its hard to leave something that has been so good for me for so long. Almost 5 years of my life have been devoted to this company, the better part of everyday spent in that office. Its hard to leave and walk away from all of that. But the truth is that I havent felt needed or useful there for sometime and its a change that I believe will be for the better. As I sat reading and rereading the email I was about to send I remembered another time that I felt fear and hesitancy in leaving something that had been such a major part of my life. I had stood on the steps leading down into the font on the day of my baptism and wondered if I was making the right decisiona and if I could really go through with it. I realized that it had turned out more than alright. It had been one of the best decisions of my life. I clicked send. Then I cryed the whole way home.
I went to a party with all of my sisters later that night. We often have these sister partys (although not often enough for my liking) and this night we sat around and each sister shared a list that she had written three years earlier of goals and dreams that she wanted to accomplish in the next three years. We talked about which things had actually come to pass and which hadnt, we talked about which things we hardly remembered wanting them much less why. And we talked about those things that are still on the list of things we want to do. It was a wonderful evening and nothing brings joy like being with my sisters. It was a good day. When I went home that night to my parents house I saw the following quote on Mothers calendar. It was by Thomas Kinkade but I believe it with all my heart and it struck a chord with me. "You learn to trust in miracles by sailing forward daily with a growing awareness that your needs will be met."
I love it when I find my quote for the day in the most unlikely of places!
Thursday I had a job interview for a job that I would love to have, it went well and I moved on to the next phase of the hiring process. I really hope to hear back from them. I went to work and then went home to my parents house again for the night as we are planning a big day for friday and want to get an early start.
I went to a party with all of my sisters later that night. We often have these sister partys (although not often enough for my liking) and this night we sat around and each sister shared a list that she had written three years earlier of goals and dreams that she wanted to accomplish in the next three years. We talked about which things had actually come to pass and which hadnt, we talked about which things we hardly remembered wanting them much less why. And we talked about those things that are still on the list of things we want to do. It was a wonderful evening and nothing brings joy like being with my sisters. It was a good day. When I went home that night to my parents house I saw the following quote on Mothers calendar. It was by Thomas Kinkade but I believe it with all my heart and it struck a chord with me. "You learn to trust in miracles by sailing forward daily with a growing awareness that your needs will be met."
I love it when I find my quote for the day in the most unlikely of places!
Thursday I had a job interview for a job that I would love to have, it went well and I moved on to the next phase of the hiring process. I really hope to hear back from them. I went to work and then went home to my parents house again for the night as we are planning a big day for friday and want to get an early start.
Day 7 and 8
Ok ok so I know this was supposed to be a daily thing. You know how life is... sometimes things just happen and sometimes other things just dont; and that was my week many things happened and the blog just didnt. So I promise to do better this week.
While I wasnt actually blogging about my little experiment I was still living it. Actually in alot of ways this week was a big one for me. Monday was relatively un eventful, other than the fact that I went for a nice long walk with my room mate Kathryn. We had a much needed long talk and I was reminded of some of the many reasons I so wanted to be her room mate. I was contemplating a big decision all day and my favorite quote from President Benson was on my mind alot throughout the day.
"Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that he can make alot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, raise up friends, comfort their souls and pour out peace."
The Lord has always fulfilled this promise in my behalf before. I just have to have faith that he will continue to keep his promises. Awhile back I saw a video of a song called What are words. MY friend Jana related to me how the chorus of that song applies perfectly to the Lord and his promises to us. "What are words if you really dont mean them when you say them. What are words if their only for good times then their done."
The lord would never tell us something if he didnt mean it. And I can say I have faith everyday but if I dont mean it and live life like I mean it its nothing. The Lord has made promises to me personally that he will keep. I just need to work on my end of turning my life over to him so that he can.
ON tuesday, I went to Salt Lake and met with my brother on a project that I am going to be working with him on. I got to have lunch with a couple of my brothers, my dad and two of my moms. I went to work for a few hours and when I went home I met with my Bishop and recieved a blessing to help me face the challenges that lie ahead for me. I truly felt happy that day. I felt at peace, and excited for the future. As Ive been listening to conference from April in preparation for the upcoming conference I heard a talk that I missed the first time around. It was a talk given by Elder Uchtdorf in the priesthood session and he told a story about a man who's dream was to go on a cruise, after saving his money he was finally able to go, he scrimped and ate nothing but rice and beans that he bad brought with him and didnt attend any activities on board the ship. It wasnt until the final day of the cruise that he discouvered that all of that was included with the price of his passage. Then he said the following "Are we as priesthood holders living below our priveledges when it comes to the sacred power gift and blessings that are our opportunity and right as bearers of God's prieshood?"
I may not hold the priesthood but this still applies to me, as a member of God's church on earth and I living below my rights and priveledges? What am I missing by not taping into the blessings the Lord has to offer me? What am I missing because of my lack of faith and my desire to control my life. What am I missing in my selfishness of my time and talents? In the blessing I was given today I was told that the Lord was pleased with me and for the first time in quite awhile I felt it and I believed it. I felt peaceful and happy and full of desire to do better.
While I wasnt actually blogging about my little experiment I was still living it. Actually in alot of ways this week was a big one for me. Monday was relatively un eventful, other than the fact that I went for a nice long walk with my room mate Kathryn. We had a much needed long talk and I was reminded of some of the many reasons I so wanted to be her room mate. I was contemplating a big decision all day and my favorite quote from President Benson was on my mind alot throughout the day.
"Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that he can make alot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, raise up friends, comfort their souls and pour out peace."
The Lord has always fulfilled this promise in my behalf before. I just have to have faith that he will continue to keep his promises. Awhile back I saw a video of a song called What are words. MY friend Jana related to me how the chorus of that song applies perfectly to the Lord and his promises to us. "What are words if you really dont mean them when you say them. What are words if their only for good times then their done."
The lord would never tell us something if he didnt mean it. And I can say I have faith everyday but if I dont mean it and live life like I mean it its nothing. The Lord has made promises to me personally that he will keep. I just need to work on my end of turning my life over to him so that he can.
ON tuesday, I went to Salt Lake and met with my brother on a project that I am going to be working with him on. I got to have lunch with a couple of my brothers, my dad and two of my moms. I went to work for a few hours and when I went home I met with my Bishop and recieved a blessing to help me face the challenges that lie ahead for me. I truly felt happy that day. I felt at peace, and excited for the future. As Ive been listening to conference from April in preparation for the upcoming conference I heard a talk that I missed the first time around. It was a talk given by Elder Uchtdorf in the priesthood session and he told a story about a man who's dream was to go on a cruise, after saving his money he was finally able to go, he scrimped and ate nothing but rice and beans that he bad brought with him and didnt attend any activities on board the ship. It wasnt until the final day of the cruise that he discouvered that all of that was included with the price of his passage. Then he said the following "Are we as priesthood holders living below our priveledges when it comes to the sacred power gift and blessings that are our opportunity and right as bearers of God's prieshood?"
I may not hold the priesthood but this still applies to me, as a member of God's church on earth and I living below my rights and priveledges? What am I missing by not taping into the blessings the Lord has to offer me? What am I missing because of my lack of faith and my desire to control my life. What am I missing in my selfishness of my time and talents? In the blessing I was given today I was told that the Lord was pleased with me and for the first time in quite awhile I felt it and I believed it. I felt peaceful and happy and full of desire to do better.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Project Happiness Day 4,5 and 6
What a busy weekend! I never even got to sit down in front of a computer long enough to post a quick blog for the day. So here they are all lumped in to one. It was a good weekend too!
On Friday I drove up to Salt Lake to get my Registration renewed on my car. I was pleaseantly surprised to find out that I didnt need to do the emmisions and inspection. My brother was able to get me a killer deal on some new tires and I got to visit with him while they worked on the car. I feel so much more at peace driving a car that isnt running on bald tires and a registration that was more than two months expired!
I spent the night at my parents house and got to hang with my mom and my sisters for a bit. MY mom gave me some delicious gluten free food to take home with me that will help me tremendously with this diet that I am on.
On Saturday I did some homework and scored 8 of 10 on my quiz. I went for a walk in the beautiful fresh air and sunshine with Esther and visited with my good friend Reva.
I went to the temple for my shift Saturday night and had a wonderful time there. Its interesting to be at the temple as a worker rather than a patron. It gives me a different kind of stregnth and a different perspective on the work thats done there.
ON sunday after a leisurly bubble bath in the morning and a chat with roommates I headed out to church where I felt the spirit, recieved answers to prayer and visited with good friends. I feel like I am beginning to get some clarity around what I am supposed to be doing right now, and while there is still a certain amount of fear in moving forward my faith is growing. Some of the scary steps that I am about to take are looking less scary and I am gaining the confidence that I will need to carry me through them.
I am also feeling alot of joy from seeing myself reaching my goals, keeping my commitments and doing alot of good things that I have been struggling to do for some time. During sunday school I realized that I am genuinly grateful for this difficult experience that I am going through. I have seen reasons to be grateful for it in the past but I saw even more reasons today and it gave me so much peace to see that "all things work together for good." Our lesson in RS on sunday was on lonliness. Something that I have been all too familiar with in the last couple of months. As we discussed this topic and why we feel lonely and what we can do about it I felt so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that gives me all the tools that I need to combat those types of feelings. I went to bed Sunday night feeling peaceful and even happy after tying up some loose ends and sharing a few words with someone who means the world to me.
Quote for tomorrow: " The very experience of enduring chastening can refine us and prepare us for greater spiritual privileges."
On Friday I drove up to Salt Lake to get my Registration renewed on my car. I was pleaseantly surprised to find out that I didnt need to do the emmisions and inspection. My brother was able to get me a killer deal on some new tires and I got to visit with him while they worked on the car. I feel so much more at peace driving a car that isnt running on bald tires and a registration that was more than two months expired!
I spent the night at my parents house and got to hang with my mom and my sisters for a bit. MY mom gave me some delicious gluten free food to take home with me that will help me tremendously with this diet that I am on.
On Saturday I did some homework and scored 8 of 10 on my quiz. I went for a walk in the beautiful fresh air and sunshine with Esther and visited with my good friend Reva.
I went to the temple for my shift Saturday night and had a wonderful time there. Its interesting to be at the temple as a worker rather than a patron. It gives me a different kind of stregnth and a different perspective on the work thats done there.
ON sunday after a leisurly bubble bath in the morning and a chat with roommates I headed out to church where I felt the spirit, recieved answers to prayer and visited with good friends. I feel like I am beginning to get some clarity around what I am supposed to be doing right now, and while there is still a certain amount of fear in moving forward my faith is growing. Some of the scary steps that I am about to take are looking less scary and I am gaining the confidence that I will need to carry me through them.
I am also feeling alot of joy from seeing myself reaching my goals, keeping my commitments and doing alot of good things that I have been struggling to do for some time. During sunday school I realized that I am genuinly grateful for this difficult experience that I am going through. I have seen reasons to be grateful for it in the past but I saw even more reasons today and it gave me so much peace to see that "all things work together for good." Our lesson in RS on sunday was on lonliness. Something that I have been all too familiar with in the last couple of months. As we discussed this topic and why we feel lonely and what we can do about it I felt so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that gives me all the tools that I need to combat those types of feelings. I went to bed Sunday night feeling peaceful and even happy after tying up some loose ends and sharing a few words with someone who means the world to me.
Quote for tomorrow: " The very experience of enduring chastening can refine us and prepare us for greater spiritual privileges."
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Project Happiness Day 3
"Wait on the Lord, Be Of good courage and he will strengthen thy heart. Wait I say on the Lord"
That was my quote for the day yesterday. I guess someone decided that I needed a chance to really practice this one. If the fact that I ended the day sitting in my car crying until I had a massive headache is an indication of how I did...I think I might have failed.
I did not have good courage...my heart physically hurt, and I wondered if the Lord was even there above that steel ceiling that I sometimes feel separates us. But Happiness I guess isn't about an absence of pain really so much as it is the ability to feel joy inspite of the pain. I might be getting there. So while I was a little angry with myself when those first few tears started to fall, and I thought that this experiment of mine must be a failure, I soon realized that its ok to have a bad day sometimes, to cry a little (or alot as the case may be). That feelings and emotions are just that and nothing more. So we pick our selves up dust of the grime of the day and start again.
Ive thought alot about waiting, over the last decade. And today I thought about what it means to wait on the Lord. For years I have had a favorite quote about waiting. It grows more profound and more applicable to me with each passing year.
Waiting
Steadfastness: That is holding on
Patience: That is holding back
Expectancy: That is holding up the face
Obediance: That is holding onesself in readiness to go or to do
Listening: That is holding quiet and still so as to hear.
Steadfastness: That is holding on
Patience: That is holding back
Expectancy: That is holding up the face
Obediance: That is holding onesself in readiness to go or to do
Listening: That is holding quiet and still so as to hear.
Perhaps the most difficult of all of these for me is the last one. Maybe if I would just stop fussing for a minute and be quiet and still the Lord would give me some of the answers that I need. Either way I think this was a good one for me to be thinking about today.
I went to institute with a friend last night. It was really nice to get to see her.
Today at work our CEO made a major announcement. Not entirely sure yet how I feel about the changes that are going to be coming in that area. But then lets face it there isnt much in life that I am entirely sure about at the moment so I guess thats no surprise.
Im grumpy tonight, and having a hard time thinking of things that brought me happiness today. I guess I take my quote literally and just wait.
So quote for tomorrow:
"I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather though the rains may pour down upon us our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not be of good cheer. the future is as bright as your faith."
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Project Happiness Day 2
ON my desk at work I have this calander...I cross off the days when they are over :( I know that is really sad and not helping me out any but...I am on a really difficult diet and I like to see how much closer I am getting to reaching the end of my diet. That being said, yesterday I forgot to cross the day off the calander. Thats a really good sign that I am not just counting down the hours and minutes until the end of each day. Since yesterday was the first day of my project I consider day 1 a success!
So now moving on to Day 2.
Last night I went swimming with Dave, probably the last swim of the summer judging by the chill in the air. Dave is good for me. He pushes me, he pushes my buttons, he wont let me manipulate him (which I never really knew I did until I met him) and he pushes me to try new things. After we finished with our swim we dryed off and he taught me how to play racketball. I was surprised to find that I really enjoyed it! Now that is not to say that I was good at it. But I actually managed to hit the ball ALOT more often than I thought I would and I had fun, got a little exersize and had an altogether really enjoyable evening.
Today is hump day, that middle of the week drag that is neither the fresh start and new beginning of a monday nor the celebratory friday. Its dull, long and well...wednesday. Today however we had a company brown bag meeting to break up the monotony of the day. They provided lunch which naturally wasnt on my diet so I enjoyed my hard boiled eggs and tryed not to think about the other food they were eating. Over all it was a much better wednesday than I had anticipated!
And last but not least I am beginning to feel a renewed enthusiasm for life, with all its opportunities and adventures. I realized that I have not really been planning and doing and living in the way that I want to and its time to really live again. I am looking at lots of different options, making some concrete plans, getting in touch with my vision and plan for my life and deciding once again what things are important to me. ITs a good feeling. A happy feeling.
I dont know what is coming for me, I guess thats where the hope part of the quote from yesterday comes in. And thats where the adventure lies. But I know that I need to plan and move forward with faith and as I do things will become more clear for me.
Along those lines I have been setting alot of goals for myself recently and doing really well at reaching them. Its a satisfying feeling.
Some of the goals that I have set for myself are:
To read in the Book of Mormon a little each day
To listen to a talk from last general conference each day in preparation for the upcoming conference
To do a better job of cleaning up and organizing my space (anyone who knows me knows this one is really a challenge!)
To spend time in the temple every week.
To get back into school
And then the over arching goal of living life in a more faith filled, confident and happy way.
Yesterday's quote was a beautiful theme for today!
Quote for tommorow: "Wait on the Lord: Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
So now moving on to Day 2.
Last night I went swimming with Dave, probably the last swim of the summer judging by the chill in the air. Dave is good for me. He pushes me, he pushes my buttons, he wont let me manipulate him (which I never really knew I did until I met him) and he pushes me to try new things. After we finished with our swim we dryed off and he taught me how to play racketball. I was surprised to find that I really enjoyed it! Now that is not to say that I was good at it. But I actually managed to hit the ball ALOT more often than I thought I would and I had fun, got a little exersize and had an altogether really enjoyable evening.
Today is hump day, that middle of the week drag that is neither the fresh start and new beginning of a monday nor the celebratory friday. Its dull, long and well...wednesday. Today however we had a company brown bag meeting to break up the monotony of the day. They provided lunch which naturally wasnt on my diet so I enjoyed my hard boiled eggs and tryed not to think about the other food they were eating. Over all it was a much better wednesday than I had anticipated!
And last but not least I am beginning to feel a renewed enthusiasm for life, with all its opportunities and adventures. I realized that I have not really been planning and doing and living in the way that I want to and its time to really live again. I am looking at lots of different options, making some concrete plans, getting in touch with my vision and plan for my life and deciding once again what things are important to me. ITs a good feeling. A happy feeling.
I dont know what is coming for me, I guess thats where the hope part of the quote from yesterday comes in. And thats where the adventure lies. But I know that I need to plan and move forward with faith and as I do things will become more clear for me.
Along those lines I have been setting alot of goals for myself recently and doing really well at reaching them. Its a satisfying feeling.
Some of the goals that I have set for myself are:
To read in the Book of Mormon a little each day
To listen to a talk from last general conference each day in preparation for the upcoming conference
To do a better job of cleaning up and organizing my space (anyone who knows me knows this one is really a challenge!)
To spend time in the temple every week.
To get back into school
And then the over arching goal of living life in a more faith filled, confident and happy way.
Yesterday's quote was a beautiful theme for today!
Quote for tommorow: "Wait on the Lord: Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The 30 Days of Happiness Plan
Lately I have been struggling to find happiness in my life. I often feel so lonely and forgotten by my heavenly father. There are so many things that I want that seem so far outside of my control. I have an opportunity right now to have faith like I never have before.
When I was baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday saints I did it willingly but I did it so full of fear and I often looked back not to regret the decision that i made but to agonize over the things that I felt I had lost. Since that day when I hear stories of faithful men and women who sacrifice so much and move forward with faith not looking back and not focusing on the hurt and the loss but on the hope and the future and do it with joy I think "now that is real faith."
Right now I find myself obeying a commandment of the Lord to me, I am doing it willingly but somewhat begrudgingly. I have been sad and unhappy about the fact the the Lord has asked me to sacrifice something that means so much to me. I realize that this is my chance to do things differently. This is my opportunity to show the Lord that I can sacrifice willingly and happily for him because I know of his Love for me and because I know that whatever he has in store is better than what I could hope to achieve on my own.
So in my quest to be more happy and to "find Joy in my days" (as I was promised in a recent blessing) I am going to do a daily blog post for the next 30 days. I have decided that each day I will find something to be happy about. Something that brought me joy and write about it. I will find a quote of the day that will be my theme for how I live that day and I will write about my experiences.
So for today...
Day 1
I have been listening to the most recent general conference as I drive to work each day. I have found that the peace that I feel on those drives and as I listen often stays with me through each day and I am so grateful for the words, so inspired that change my life as they change my perspective.
I got to visit with a good friend Mandy, from when I lived in Missouri today. She is expecting a baby and had the healthy glow of new motherhood about her. As we laughed and talked about old times I was reminded once again of the many good times in my life that I will always have to cherish as memories and the friends who while they may not always be near or accessible, will always be friends.
I read a post today on the Time Out for Women site. It was the talk that inspired this new venture of mine. I really needed to hear it and I have been planning my shedule and filling up my time with good things so that I can find happiness that way and I feel like this was the finishing touch on those efforts! I feel like I am now equiped to face the days ahead and do it armed with Peace, Joy and Love.
My quote for tomorrow is:
Hope is not Knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God's laws and the words of his prophets now we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believeing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm and patient perseverance.
When I was baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday saints I did it willingly but I did it so full of fear and I often looked back not to regret the decision that i made but to agonize over the things that I felt I had lost. Since that day when I hear stories of faithful men and women who sacrifice so much and move forward with faith not looking back and not focusing on the hurt and the loss but on the hope and the future and do it with joy I think "now that is real faith."
Right now I find myself obeying a commandment of the Lord to me, I am doing it willingly but somewhat begrudgingly. I have been sad and unhappy about the fact the the Lord has asked me to sacrifice something that means so much to me. I realize that this is my chance to do things differently. This is my opportunity to show the Lord that I can sacrifice willingly and happily for him because I know of his Love for me and because I know that whatever he has in store is better than what I could hope to achieve on my own.
So in my quest to be more happy and to "find Joy in my days" (as I was promised in a recent blessing) I am going to do a daily blog post for the next 30 days. I have decided that each day I will find something to be happy about. Something that brought me joy and write about it. I will find a quote of the day that will be my theme for how I live that day and I will write about my experiences.
So for today...
Day 1
I have been listening to the most recent general conference as I drive to work each day. I have found that the peace that I feel on those drives and as I listen often stays with me through each day and I am so grateful for the words, so inspired that change my life as they change my perspective.
I got to visit with a good friend Mandy, from when I lived in Missouri today. She is expecting a baby and had the healthy glow of new motherhood about her. As we laughed and talked about old times I was reminded once again of the many good times in my life that I will always have to cherish as memories and the friends who while they may not always be near or accessible, will always be friends.
I read a post today on the Time Out for Women site. It was the talk that inspired this new venture of mine. I really needed to hear it and I have been planning my shedule and filling up my time with good things so that I can find happiness that way and I feel like this was the finishing touch on those efforts! I feel like I am now equiped to face the days ahead and do it armed with Peace, Joy and Love.
My quote for tomorrow is:
Hope is not Knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God's laws and the words of his prophets now we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believeing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm and patient perseverance.
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